Talk? You want to talk?!

He says “We haven’t really talked in a while” And then he tries to tell his philosophy to me over aim…. after completely ignoring me for so long, after we went through so much, or at least I did. Emotional trauma, I’ve termed it. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a real conversation with him again. I’m very happy for him that he’s found a good place in his life. I think thats just dandy. But I don’t think I can look him in the face and have a serious conversation. I look at him and I see depression and anxiety, not answering if he shows up on the callar ID, I see fake happiness and years of pain. Just talking to him normally is painful… partially because of the aforstated reason and also because it reminds me of how we used to be. When I only knew Clean Cat on the surface, he was the nicest, smartest, and cleverest boy I knew. Now I see his pain. Its like how I always say, you get to know me on the surface, then you get to know the whole person. If you can’t handle me on the surface, you DEFINITELY can’t handle all of me.  But this case was a bit different. I was totally fine with his surface, but I couldn’t handle what turmoil and scars lay bellow. He told me everything. I felt like a garbage can……. but we’ve been through this all before. *le sigh*

~ by rivermerchant on August 23, 2008.